January 4th, 2018, in Sherbrooke city; I am called back into work, sooner, than expected. I had been, dropped off, by a colleague, on the corner, of Galt and Alexandre. There were 3 huge dump trucks, sitting idle, and the snow covered, sidewalks, were un- reachable. With their engines on; with some, noisy snow plough, in an alleyway. A scene, was taking place, as I tried to, pass, all the noise. The vision, of white, snow, everywhere, glowing from the street lights, reflecting its high glistening, mounds. The confusion, on the street, quite alarmed me, and I hurried along. The snow, had not been removed from the sidewalks, making each step, a climbing motion, up and over and down. The snow was pelting, against my skin, with whisk like slaps, a stinging, burning sensation, a constant flow of that, just kept, assaulting my face. My glasses steamed up from all the jaunt and mounds of pin size hail sleets of snow; which had me, looking over them, for guidance, and familiarity as I stumbled, towards home ward bound. Passing only, two people, on the final leg of my journey, I arrived safe, 25 minutes later. I am happy to say that the future for these winter journeys into work, have me, clamoring to save for a refurbished computer, so I can dial down, the challenge, on that score, to commute so much, in the future.
The rest of January, remained, equally challenging, winter work related back and forth’. I recorded some stories on facebook, shares, as follows: The slanted windows in my bedroom are weighed down, heavily, from all the fallen snow of yesterday, the cold temperatures, have plunged, freezing the snow, now thick ice, weighs, firmly, on the window panes; which is now cracking, periodically under the heavy weight of it all. Sending shock waves of fear in me, as my bed, lies under one, of those slanted windows. I roll out of the way, over to the left side of the bed, the moment I hear the sound. I can't wait for the sun to come out, and thankfully, warm temperatures are fore casted for Tuesday. I haven't long to go, before I can breathe and sleep securely, in my bed, once again. Lee Marie shared a memory.
February 1 Barren branches, with a background of, white sky, as fresh fallen snow clings onto my, slanted, bedroom windows, blocking my view out. I am, frowning, at the pending bus, walk, up the street, The concern, is the underlining, black ice, waiting, to slip me, up, to fall; my experience from yesterday. While, looking, right and left, before crossing the street, on Alexandre; with one foot, forward, the other, unexpectedly, slide me and had me down, off on my side; my feet were dangling on the street, my face had hit, the patch of ice, that tripped my left foot up. My pants, covered, in sheets of snow, I stood up, and brushing the snow off my pants, while looking around, realizing I should for cars, as I was thinking safety along with disbelief, that, rang in my ears, as took in, what had just transpired. I continued on my journey, over to the bakers, to pick up my fresh coffee beans and cheese bread. When I arrived home, preparing that freshly, bought, coffee, my insides, starting hurting more. Like things got shifted, in my body, from the fall. I spent the rest of day, at work, feeling aliments, which would crop up signaling its turn, to express the ache, from the knee up to the neck, 4 extra strengths, something's later, a colleague offered up, to subdue the symptoms, sustained me enough, to complete my shift. I seem to be fine so far today, small mercy, I'll count it, as a blessing, shall I?...
I fell ill, shortly after, and missed a few, days. it's been a few times this year, and some last. All the touching, of handles and doors, and such; and no matter, how my hygiene, protocols, in place; in a small; contained, environment, for a certain period of time, you’re going, to contact, something.
February, 6th had me, at the corner, depaneur, store; as I pressed, on the street light, to cross over to, the, street, to reach, towards home. I heard, crows; my ears and my eyes, had experienced, a like, disconnect, to the hour, as it was dusk; and birds aren’t usually making sounds, at almost 6pm. I was curious, for answers. So I looked up, and saw this sea of black, crows, flying over me, in droves. A phenomena, I had never, seen, before. It was an ahha, moment, with sheer amazement, and delight. I felt, like, blessed, to witness this. I just stood there, on the corner, watching, as this seemingly endless flow of birds passed, over head, towards the same way, I was going.
Feb 26 - I am, finally, working from home, I, no longer, have to wait for buses, or hang out with old man winter. The Company sent me home, with a work laptop, and all related equipments. Proudly, I accepted the official, home style, business setup, like an honor, badge.
March 17th Our clocks, have moved forward, and the temperatures, had become pleasant, until, old man winter, roared, in a snow fall, and plummeted are temperatures into the – pleep’in, cold again. It still has, stubbornly, a strong hold, and we are still entranced in winter; as we’re days away from spring, on March 20th.
I had been saving, for my larger, ticket items, as all my smaller items, have been ticked off my list. Sadly, I have to; put my plans, of a new, reconditioned fridge, with two sided doors, and a laptop of my own, are on hold. As I, just got, a whopper, of a Government, bill, and a feasible, hydro bill, all at once. So I have to say, good bye to it all, and rebuild, again. Them the breaks…
I am, meeting up, with my landords, this St. Patrick weekend. He, dropped off the renewal, papers for the lease, the other day. It had me, shocked, at the increase. Almost double, from last year. He handed me the forms, of calculations, he printed out, from the Regis, website. He said. as he handed me, all the paper work, that, he didn't have to give me, his calculated, perctenage forms, that had me at 3.3% increase. I scoffed at him, in my head. As I know differently. But he's not a man, to waste time letting him know, as he so arrogant and arguementative. Sometimes it saves time, not bothering to engage. So I registered mailed him, a renewal rent lease accpetance, but declined the increase and requested all the receipts to that had lead him, to arrive at his calculations. I offered a negoiated starter, and put the price I would accept, if he choses this, instead of court. You can't imagine, how much, I dread this meeting, as it is going to take, all the strength, I can muster, to navigate the mine field I will be embarking on. French is my second language, and getting stronger all the time, but narcossism challenges is a hit or miss story. So I haven't called them back, from Saturday afternoons call, that I let go to voicemail.
Marley, my, beautiful furry friend, is getting her meals, cooked for her now. I succeeded, in getting her off, cat cans. I now, boil chicken breasts, shrimp, and she likes, ham. She didn't take to chicken liver and chicken mix, so, I, ended up, eating it; and also, she didn’t like chicken and carrots, which I again, got to eat. I saw these assorted meals on a web site that sells these tiny cans of ready made meals, $2.00, for these cans each. It’s an all natural, no preservatives site, for your pets. This is how I end up cooking, and, cutting it all up, with scissors, these chicken and shrimp pieces. I finally replaced that with, another new blender. I broke the other new one, by smashing into the frame, of the door, heading towards where the fridge sits. I cracked the bottom side of the blender container. I was so deep in thought, I hadn’t watched, where I was going. I tried to crazy glue, the bottom, of course, it didn't hold... Today, the blender, is grinding the meat and shrimp, and by using the chicken water it was cooked in, helps along a little, with the grinding motion. I do though still have to cut up some of the pieces, still, as the blender, I see, can only do so much. I placed all grinded food, after, in ice cube strays and poured the liquid from the blender and some from the pot, as the recipe is 75% meat, 25% water ratio per meal; that's is what I read, on that site that give, their can, descriptions. Which is how I decided I could do better in the savings department, by cooking, for her myself. I place the Ice cube trays, full of her chicken/shrimp in the freezer, taking out what I need for each day. I tried, to get her, off, dry Whiskas and buy her, an all natural, bag. The neighbor, who shops, for his furry friends, was there, he'd pick up something for, Marley. Marley, I discovered, while I was, home sick, she wasn't touching her food. So I started feeding her, by hand, to see, what she was eating and what she wasn't eating. I gave the all natural bag, back, to the neighbor for his cats, and the Whiskas, product, remains, a go to, until we find her, alternatives.
My neighbor is a young man, with a girlfriend in Quebec City that he travels up to see her quite often. I am the cat feeder, I do it, because, it only takes a few minutes of my time; and for purely other, selfish reasons, attached. He told some time ago, that he could hear when I got in my bed. The narrative was as follows; his girlfriend and some friends were over and listened intently one evening to every sound I was making. Which could, mean, anything... To, determine, if he should continue, living, in this building. The one thing he couldn’t get, from this building, was silence, when he wanted it. The point for me is, I realized, I have, no, privacy. I requested he, start putting on music, TV, headsets something, it’s become creepy, now. I feed his cats, more motivated, by knowing, I have privacy, those days and nights he’s gone. At first it got ridiculous, he’d request I put my headsets on at 10:pm and call me and let it ring, and ring and call back again, and again, especially the week I was sick, I shut the ringer off in my and it remains off. I stopped answering, I’d see his number 5 times in one night; to ask me to turn down my speakers, that was at 15% in volume. We had a problem... I fall asleep with the programs chosen, and then it’s programmed to shut down the computer. It is impossible to sleep, with headsets on. I tried various ways, to accommodate, in the end I told him, I’ve tried everything I could think of, to help you, even changed my bedroom around a couple of times. Now, you are, on your own, to solve this; you know what the building is like, it lacks insulation. Not only that, I told him, you are starting to tap onto my anxieties. So he, wisely, got the message and stopped, declaring we would never speak of it again, and he will make changes, him self.
I was rummaging around the other day, in the fridge, looking to make supper. I never have time for lunch, anymore, so I am starving by 4Pm. With flexible work hours, I have time to whip something, tasty up. I always have a bag frozen shrimp, in my freezer now, thanks to Marley; so I soaked those frozen pieces in water. I crushed up fresh garlic, in the melted butter; I sprinkled parsley, thyme, paprika, cumin and a hint of clove. Sprinkled, some orange lentils, in the butter, too, along with raw sunflower seeds. I pulled out and chopped up celery, onions, mushrooms chopped in halves and large chunks, and then added the defrosted shrimp, pulling off the tails, first. I put the lid on, and let it cook on med-low heat. I chopped up some tomatoes and avocados; I threw them in at the last minute of cooking along with some lemon juice squeezed freshly in. I shut off the burner, I then added 2 tbl spoons of mayonnaise, and grated cheese, stirred and put the lid on, as it melted from the remaining heat. I spooned it on to wholewheat pita bread and tried to wrap it up, like a restaurant pita, as I knew this was going to be messy to eat. Which I don’t mind, it will be delicious. Cheers
My neighbor and I were talking the other day about mental health. He works in the research department, at the University of Sherbrooke. I talked about my narcissistic, adoptive mother, who was an abuser, and if you look up narcissistic mother, it describes her almost, to a t'. I came across an article that talked about this subject, and being curious and interested, I read it. Well, I have to say, my mouth dropped, in disbelief, that there is, a name to it all. A title, that describes exactly the nightmare, I lived in, with the bonu,s of the physical abuse. It was like a revelation, a relief...if you will; I am so empowered to know, finally, it truly, wasnt me, that inspired these reactions. My rant is.... It goes to being self aware, accountable, responsible, sensitive and empathetic... if you arent that person, for your child, throught good and bad or trying, times; while reminding them, showing them, over and over again, you are there, for them, no matter what... Then, what are you, doing, being a parent? if you dont want to try, and give them, your child, your best self, your whole heart; that doesnt, come, with strings attached, to get all that postive sunlight to grow, into a heatlhy child, into a decent, adult.... Again, I ask, what are you, doing, being a parent...? End of my rant is...I will never understand how a mother, like her, (adoptive mother) hadn't, couldn't, wouldn't, ...realize the damage, she was doing; and how two faced, she was too the world. How a few people, like a neighbor, would say something, to her, and yet she still, managed, to convince herself, and anyone else, that it was all her daughter's, fault, the child's fault; for her behavior, towards her adoptive daughter. What I have to say to you madam, is you are a 'Deceitful, liar, and twisted little freak'...You should be in jail and thereapy, take a good look in the mirror....End of Rant, Thank you... These days, I try to work on my reactions to things. I still have to monitor my anxieties, I become ever so briefly impatient, sometimes, short tempered even, where I have to ask myself what's wrong. I over think, things sometimes, so I have shut my mind down. I still deal with old memories, they like to pop up and want to play, lets remember when; which puts me in like a day dream trance, and so then I have to, play therapist, to myself and tell myself it is alright, it has passed. I had to play the role of mother, to myself, too, since the adoptive mother, did such abang up job of preparing me for the real world; in all my developments, she actually hindered my milestones. I am not surprised, my former, adoptive brother, wants to claim he has no memories of our up bringing, he is properly protecting himself, to what? I can only assume, a legal battle, he doesnt want, in his future. He must of realized, at some point, how she was treating me, was not normal. He seems to have the ability to be cold, and detached, good for him. Such is life...
Lost my mind; as I tried, to find, Another one, that’s sound. No one, ever tells’ you, You’re gonna feel, gutted to the core; Leaving me, feeling helpless, Like I’ve just, crumbled, to the floor. Mmmh, it’s gonna take some, True grit, to get me, bravely, up On my, feet, again. The, memories, they will, fade out, As the, lessons laid out, are learned. Releasing me, like a dove in flight, On a journeys’, end, it goes, to parts, unknown. Ohhh, I know, I know, I know, I can’t hide, From sorrow, and dashed, dreams. There’s, always, a reason, Am I, suppose to know, I just, don’t know, Why, it’s this, and now, it’s, that. Will I, cope, through all the changes? When I fall down.. Along with all those, come, what mays’, Will this, too, pass? After, all ... ...It’s just the Cycle of life, they say; I'm not alone... ...It’s just the Cycle of life...You're not... a...lone...
April 14. my birthday, I spent it resting, after a long weeeeek... I spent it listening to music, singing and slide dancing on my floors. Made a pork roast with loads of veggies in the roasting pan, in it all went, with a gravy made, after, and cranberry sauce instead of apple sauce, ...I forgot the apples... The night before, I sat in front of the entrance door, staring out the glass window, sipped wine and said goodbye to 56, cheers, it was a good year. My outdoor view was back, the winter panels were taken down. I watched the pretty street lights, over the roof tops; and music played on a portable. bluetooth speaker. I was told by my landlady, that I have too many flower pots, on my balcony and could be dangerous. So I called the Regie du Lodgement first and they said there is no law about balconys, so the next call was to the fire prevention department, (I never take, at face value, what a landlord says.) Spoke to a lovely lady who is an inspector, and should told me the weight of 8 people is allowable. They had a camera that she looked at and could see my balcony. There is no strain on the pillars or the ceiling of the tenant under me. So we are good to go. I did bring in the table I used last year, the half moon one. Cleaned it up and attached it the room on my wall, with my new drill set I bought. I am so anxious to start gardening, that, Im going to start seedling now. I have more soil and fertilizer, delivered, a couple of weeks ago, with my grocery order, over, at Super C. The seed box is out on my counter and this week, is the week, to get her done, as they say. Ive been lately, on a health kick or well trying to be, so long as I stay away from the bakers and their chocolate chip cookies and cheese bread.... I been doing fruit mix in blendar with some milk and making smoothies. Then nothing but veggies and hummus at night, adding beans, lentils, dried peas and raw sunflower seeds. Real lemon and ginger, hot water with a touch of honey, after the last meal, of the day. I think Ive lost a couple of pounds. I am not that crazy about kale, in my hummus, but, its eatable, warmed up, to pour over some, mixed, steamed up veggies. The good, healthy food, is darn expensive. I have been trying to stay away from packages, and even invested in a machine that turns your veggies into pasta.I learnt the thinner fruit and veggies need more soaking to wash out the pesticides hidden in them. Its like you are are damned if you do try, to eat healthier choices, or stick to packages with plasitc and GMOs and the other hidden sugars and crap we put into our bodies. Either way, we are being poisoned, slowly... Scary, isnt it...Well I know, Im plenty worried... Alittle video below, a walk about, on Alexandre street....
What to do in Sherbrooke city in April, 2018 https://fcms.ca/ Festival cinéma du monde de Sherbrooke April 1, 2019 - April 30, 2019 (Dates to be confirmed) What to do in Sherbrooke city in May, 2018 http://www.festivaldesharmonies.com/main.php
Festival des harmonies et orchestres symphoniques du Québec 8000 musicians of all ages I got a birthday card, from the company who sends me work, with two tickets to the movie theatre . I was so touched, I have a box, I keep all the cards, given to me, over the years; that when my family, goes through it all, theyll find that card and its signatures and well wishes, on it. I have to send them a thank you note... So that's it for now... Until next time, stay active, steadfast and true to you. Cheers xo
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Thank you for taking the time. Kind Regards LM